Save the Puppies
by DecaTilde
Summary: Originally written by hopeless-romance45, a.k.a. "Villains' Bad Girl", and an adaptation of the Season 7 episode, "Road to Germany". Brian and Barbara have their hands full with four puppies. Can they save their kids when they get into Stewie's time machine and travel back in time? Sequel to "Our First Christmas".
1. The Puppies

_Save the Puppies_

a _Family Guy_ fanfic

by hopeless-romance45 (a.k.a. "Villains' Bad Girl)

Hosted by LDEJRuff

* * *

 _Original Author's Note: Hey-O! Welcome everyone to the next story in Brian and Barbara's lives! Let's see what kind of trouble the puppies will give them._

* * *

Prologue - The Puppies _  
_

* * *

Barbara sighed as she looked at the puppy in her lap. She was patiently trying to brush back her long golden fur, getting it out of her face. The little dog whimpered as she tried to run off.

"Jenny, hold still", Barbara said. "I need to finish."

"It hurts, Mama", Jenny whimpered.

"I'm almost done", she said putting a ribbon in her fur. "Your father and I want you kids to look nice for your first family photo."

"Mom, do we have to?"

Barbara turned to look at Brian's double. Little Marcus was scratching at his green collar trying to pull it off. The young pup was at that age where all he wanted to do was run around with no collar on.

"Yes, you have to", Brian said.

He looked down as he rubbed Briana's fur dry with a towel. She was also Brian's double, a female version of him. Ollie splashed the water in the tub as he pouted.

"I don't want to take a dumb picture", he grumbled. "I want to go outside and play."

"You can play after we take the picture", Brian said picking him up out of the tub.

"Why do we have to take a picture anyway?" Briana asked. "You already have a picture of us."

"When you were newborns", Barbara said brushing her long white fur. "We want one of you guys now that you're older."

"Dumb idea", Ollie pouted.

"I know it's dumb", Brian said putting his collar on. "But you're not going to be puppies forever. We want at least one good pictures of you four looking nice."

"That's right. Let me look at you kids."

The puppies sat together pouting. Ollie had his arms crossed as Brian fastened his orange collar. Jenny sat playing with the tuft of fur held in place by a purple ribbon, matching her purple collar. Marcus rolled around on the floor trying to get his green collar off. Briana sat looking bored as Brian fastened a pink collar around her neck. Barbara smiled as she looked at the kids.

"You all look great!" she said.

Brian got the camera and held it to take a picture.

"Smile, kids!"

The puppies looked at each other before looking at the camera. They gave huge, obvious fake smiles wanting to get the picture over with. Stewie watched from the top of the stairs. He snickered as he pulled a ball from his pocket. He would give Brian and Barbara a picture they would never forget. Stewie tossed the ball down the stairs to where the puppies were. All four of them barked as they jumped around trying to get the ball. Unfortunately, Brian pressed the button, getting a picture of the puppies on top of each other looking for the ball.

"Well, better than nothing", he shrugged.


	2. The Time Machine

_Hoster's Note:_ _I'm sure that most of us know that this is an adaptation of the Season 7 episode "Road to Germany", except Mort Goldman is not in the adaptation, and neither is his now-dead wife, Muriel, God rest her soul. So, filling in the roll of Mort are Brian and Barbara's first litter._

* * *

Chapter 1 - The Time Machine

* * *

The Griffins were holding a party for the Oscars that year. They invited their friends and neighbors to come and watch the Oscars. Right now they were holding a little contest to see if their choice of movies would be the winners in the Oscars.

"Okay, everyone", Lois said. "Hurry up and hand in your Oscar picks before it starts."

Everyone handed in their votes to Lois. She frowned as she looked at Peter's votes.

"Peter, for "Best Picture", you wrote _Wild Hogs_."

"Lois, four guys from the suburbs hit the road, and the road hit back", Peter answered.

"Peter knows the advertising log lines for every movie", Lois laughed as she explained. " _Blades of Glory_."

"Kick some ice."

" _Entrapment_."

"The trap is set."

" _RV_."

"On a family vacation, no one can hear you scream."

" _Philadelphia_."

"Poop chute lawsuit."

"Got you there, Peter!" Barbara pointed out on Brian's laptop. "That one's not real. The real line is no one would take on his case...until one man was willing to take on the system."

"Aw, damn it!" Peter frowned.

Everyone sat around the TV as the Oscars started. They were all interested to see who would win which categories. The puppies approached Brian and Barbara.

"Mommy, we want to watch cartoons", Briana said.

"Not now, babies", Barbara said. "Everyone else is watching this."

"But we're bored", Marcus complained.

"Why don't you go upstairs and play?" Brian suggested. "Stewie has a lot of toys you can play with."

The puppies looked at each other and shrugged. The four of them went upstairs to Stewie's room looking for something to play with. Ollie jumped into the toy box looking through the toys.

"Baseball?" he asked.

The puppies shook their heads.

"Barbies?" Ollie asked.

They shook their heads. Marcus turned and saw a large door.

"Hey, look!" he said. "A playhouse!"

All four of them rushed inside. The minute they closed the door, it began to light up as it powered on.

* * *

Everyone was downstairs as they continued watching the Oscars. Barbara looked around, keeping her ears alert.

"I guess the kids must've tired themselves out", she said. "It's so quiet upstairs."

"I'll go check on them", Brian said.

He walked upstairs to Stewie's room. He looked around trying to find the puppies, but the room was empty.

"Kids?" he called out. "Ollie? Briana? Jenny? Marcus?"

"Hey!" Stewie said running into the room. "What are you doing in my room? Don't touch my stuff with your dirty walking-on-the-street paws."

"I'm looking for the kids", Brian said. "They came up here an hour ago and Barbara's getting worried. It's been too quiet."

"Are the kids alright?" Barbara asked.

"I don't know", he shrugged. "I can't find them."

"Uh oh", Stewie said running to the back of the room. "My time machine has been activated."

"Time machine?" Brian asked. "I didn't know you had a time machine."

"Yeah, I built it after I got bored with my European See-n-Say."

* * *

 _Stewie sat with a content smile on his face as he held the See-n-Say in his lap. He pulled the lever, making the arrow spin until it stopped on an animal._

 _"The pig goes WENK!"_

 _Stewie's eyes widened and the smile left his face. He pulled the lever again, making the arrow spin._

 _"The cow goes SHA-ZOOO!"_

 _"It most certainly does not!" he complained as he pulled the lever again._

 _"The rooster goes GICKERY-GEE!"_

 _"Where?" Stewie asked pulling the lever. "Where does the rooster say that?"_

 _"The monkey goes MA-COCK!"_

 _"No, no, no, no! It does not!"_

 _"The elephant goes FWAAMP!"_

 _"Yeah, kind of."_


	3. Time Travel

Chapter 3 - Time Travel

* * *

"Brian, where are my babies?" Barbara asked getting worried.

"I don't know, Barbara", he said getting just as worried. "Stewie, do you think the puppies may have accidentally stumbled into the time machine?"

"Well, I suppose it's possible", Stewie answered. "Let's ask Rick Moranis and the backup singers from Little Shop of Horrors."

"Oh, do we have to?" Barbara asked. "I hate Little Shop of Horrors."

They watched as Rick Moranis and the backup singers began singing about what happened to the puppies.

 _"Da-doo!"  
"I saw four little puppies come up here about an hour ago."  
"Puppies so cute!"  
"They were looking for something to do until their eyes fell on that strange machine."  
"Looked so new...sha-doop-a-doop-a-doo"  
"They all stepped into that machine there and suddenly there was a big flash of light."  
"That's when they went back in time!"_

"Oh my god!" Barbara gasped. "Brian, our kids!"

"Stewie, we have to get them back!" Brian said. "Where did the machine send them?"

"I don't know", Stewie shrugged.

"How can you not know? It's a time machine. Doesn't it have like a display that tells you the year or something?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Brian", he said starting a tangent. "Is my time machine not as good as your time machine? Oh yeah, you've probably got a way better time machine. Stupid dog."

"Stewie, cut the crap", Barbara said. "Now tell us how do we find the puppies? My poor babies are lost in time somewhere. Can't you just press a couple buttons and bring them back?"

"No, they can't just come back. They need the return pad."

He held up a small metal circle which was supposed to be the return pad. Stewie packed it in his backpack.

"We can't just leave the puppies back in time", Brian said. "That's be more irresponsible than silent movie porn."

"Brian, there's no time for cutaways", Barbara said stepping in. "We need to get the kids back."

"Alright, we'll go get them", Stewie said opeing the door to the time machine. "But remember, don't touch anything when we're in the past. Even stepping on a mosquito could create a chain reaction that drastically alters the present."

"Really?" Brian asked surprised.

"Nah, you could do whatever you want."

"Movie references", Barbara said smiling.

The three of them stepped into the time machine. Stewie pressed a button sending them to the location in time the puppies were sent to. The time machine light up and with a flash of light, they were gone.

* * *

Brian, Stewie and Barbara reappeared in a sphere of light. The sphere broke, sending the three of them rushing forward to their location. The looked around finding themselves in an empty field.

"Okay, if everything worked properly", Stewie said. "This should be the exact time and place that the puppies were sent to. Now we've just got to figure out where we are."

"Or when we are", Brian shrugged.

"That's such a douche time-traveler thing to say."

"Stewie, cut him some slack", Barbara said. "You didn't check the date we were sent back. We could be in the medieval times for all we know."

"SHA-ZOOO!"

Brian, Stewie and Barbara turned to see cows in the field. Well, that was helpful.

"Alright, we're somewhere in Europe", Stewie said. "Ah-ha! Look, guys!"

The looked over the hill to see muddy pawprints. There were more than one set and they were too tiny to be the prints of any kind of large animal.

"This trail of pawprints should lead us straight to the puppies."

"Oh, thank goodness", Barbara said as they ran ahead, following the prints.


	4. Warsaw September 1, 1939

_Original Author's Note: First off, I apologize right off the bat if this story offends anyone. It is not my intent to offend anyone._

* * *

Chapter 3 - Warsaw September 1, 1939

* * *

Brian, Barbara and Stewie followed the pawprints through the field. The trail soon went cold as they stumbled into an old town. There were horse-drawn carriages. Children in nice suits and dresses ran happily. Brian, Stewie and Barbara knew this could not be in any recent year, but at least 70 or so years into the past. They stopped as they saw a sign outside a building telling them where they were.

"Hebrew Temple of Warsaw - Bring a sweater, it's chilly inside."

"Warsaw. Well, at least we know where we are", Brian said.

"Should we ask if anyone inside's seen the puppies?" Barbara asked.

"We may have no other choice", he said.

They opened the door and stepped inside to see a wedding taking place. The temple was filled with people. Brian looked at the table beside them and picked up one of the invitations that were sitting there.

"Hey, look at this", he said. "September 1, 1939. There's something about that date."

"We can worry about it later", Barbara said. "Let's just find the kids and go."

"Uh, excuse me", Stewie said interrupting. "Has anyone seen four puppies? Looks like these two dogs."

"Please?" Barbara asked. "They're still very young. Only three months old."

"Oh, you mean them", the bride said pointing to bench close to the altar.

There were Ollie, Briana, Jenny and Marcus sitting, watching the wedding. Brian, Barbara and Stewie ran to them.

"Kids, thank god!" Brian smiled.

"Dad!" Marcus smiled.

"Mommy!" Briana said hugging her.

"Oh, my babies", Barbara cried happily as she hugged the puppies. "My babies, thank god you're safe."

"How did you find us, Dad?" Ollie asked.

"We've time-traveled into the past", Brian said. "We're here to take you back home."

"Can't we stay?" he asked. "We were having fun here. The lady that just got married is so nice. They're having a party."

"Yeah", Stewie said. "Let's stay a little while longer. I've never been to a Hewbrew wedding."

"Well...I guess we could stay a little longer."

"Oh, wonderful! I want to be hoisted up on the chair and see what it feels like to be top Jew."

"Stewie, I wouldn't use those terms around here if I were you", Barbara said. "Besides, they're only going to do that tradition with the bride and groom. It's only done with the "man of the hour", so to speak."

* * *

The reception hall was filled with lively folk music. Everyone smiled cheerfully as they danced at the reception. They were all holding hands as they danced in circles around the bride and groom.

"Show them what you've got, Barbara", Brian said as the dance floor cleared.

"Oh, no I couldn't", she said blushing. "I have no experience dancing with this music."

"Dance, Mommy, dance!" the puppies cheered.

Barbara smiled as she stood on the dance floor. Everyone clapped as she began dancing. The puppies smiled and joined their mother, jumping around to the rhythm of the music.

"Your turn, Brian", Barbara panted.

Brian took the dance floor and got down on the floor, break dancing. Stewie joined in, doing the worm, dancing with Brian.

"Awesome, Dad!" the puppies clapped.

The cheerfulness in the wedding reception ended as they heard a loud explosion coming from outside. The doors were opened and they were met with the sight of tanks, armies and airplanes.

"Oh, shit," Barbara worried.

"Mommy said a bad word!" Jenny said.

* * *

 _Hoster's Note:_ _I assume that's what Barbara said. Also, while I usually don't allow the F-word to be said, I pretty much accept any utterances of the S-word, since it's allowed in late-night programming._


	5. Escape from Poland

Chapter 4 - Escape from Poland

* * *

Brian, Stewie, Barbara and the puppies hid behind large crates in an alley as they watched Germany armies march through the streets. Barbara held the puppies close as tanks made their way through the streets and planes flew above them.

"I knew there was something about this date", Brian said. "September 1, 1939. This is the German invasion of Poland."

"It's also the exact day and year that Rene Russo was born", Stewie added.

"We've got to get out of here", Barbara said. "I've had nightmares about this before. I don't want those German scientists taking us or the kids and doing scary experiments on us."

"I agree", Brian said. "Stewie, we got to get out of here fast. Set up the return pas and let's get back to our own time."

"Right."

Stewie pulled the return pad from his backpack and set it on the ground. Everyone stepped onto it to return home. Stewie pressed a button, but nothing happened.

"What's wrong?" Brian asked. "Why are we still here?"

"I don't know", Stewie said.

"Stewie, it's not working!"

"Yeah, and you know what's not going to fix it?" he asked. "Your shouting."

"What are we going to do?" Barbara asked. "We can't stay here."

"We'll have to go to England", Brian said. "It's the only place we'll be safe from the Nazis."

"We?" Stewie asked. "Why do we have to get to England? We could just hide out here."

"Stewie, haven't you forgotten?" Barbara asked. "You're half Jewish!"

They ducked to the ground as shots were suddenly fired at them. They looked up to see a group of German soldiers pointing their guns at them. One of them yelled in German. No one understood what he was saying, but knew it was got up and ran as more shots were fired.

* * *

Brian and Barbara hid behind a car looking at the border.

"Alright, there's the checkpoint", Brian said. "If we could get past it, we'll be out of occupied Poland."

"Stewie, are you ready?" Barbara asked.

They smiled as they saw Stewie dressed up in a poorly made dog costume consisting of rags and old table sheets. Their plan was to pass him off as one of their puppies. Barbara took the kids' hands as they walked to the checkpoint.

"Excuse me", Brian said. "We'd like to leave Poland now. This is my wife and our kids."

The puppies hid behind Barbara scared. The soldiers smiled as they put down their guns.

"Oh, look at the cute puppies", they said. "I want one! Are they for sale?"

One soldier picked up Stewie smiling as he began petting his so-called fur.

"Hey, hey!" Stewie said. "Not so hard!"

The soldier continued petting him hard, making part of his costume come off.

"This isn't a dog!" he gasped. "It's a filthy Jew!"

"Oh boy", Stewie said. "You should be glad your human resources person was not around to hear that."

Brian grabbed Stewie's arm, pulling him out of the soldier's hands. Barbara picked up the puppies and put them in the passenger's car of a motorcycle. She jumped onto the motorcycle with Brian in front, starting it up. Everyone held on tight to each other as Brian drove fast. The German soldiers jumped into a car, following them. They broke past the checkpoint and drove into the country.

"Brian!" Barbara cried out.

They hit a rock, making Stewie and Jenny fall out of the passenger's car.

"Jenny!" Barbara gasped.

"Mommy, Daddy!" Jenny cried.

Stewie grabbed her hand and looked at a man pushing an apple cart.

"Hey, buddy", he said pointing to the cart. "I need to borrow this."

He pushed the cart over and took the bottom with wheel off. Stewie grabbed Jenny and put her on the board, riding it like a skateboard. Brian stopped the motorcycle waiting for them to catch up. Sure enough, Stewie outsmarted the Germans into crashing into a manure truck. Stewie smiled and handed Jenny back to Barbara.

"Jenny", she said hugging her tightly. "Thank you, Stewie."


	6. The Long Journey

Chapter 5 - The Long Journey

* * *

Tears came to Barbara's eyes as she looked back at what was once, beautiful Poland. She held the puppies' hands tight as they, Brian and Stewie walked down the road away from the horror. They looked exhausted.

"I want to get back on the motorcycle", Briana whined.

"I told you", Brian sighed. "It's out of gas."

"Why isn't the time machine working?" Ollie asked.

"I don't know", Stewie said.

"I hate it here", Marcus complained. "I hate this whole place. It's just garbage!"

"Okay, take it easy, man", he said.

"I want to go home!" Jenny cried.

"I want to go home too."

All four of the puppies began to cry. They were scared and just wanted to be back home with their family. Stewie glared turning to the puppies.

"Okay, you know what?" he yelled. "Shut up, alright? Just shut the **** up! I am not about to go through this journey with 4 crying dogs!"

"Alright, everyone calm down", Barbara said. "Stewie, you have no right to yell at the puppies. They're scared and I don't blame them. They're all younger than you. Ease up."

The journey through the country was long and slow. The puppies were making it difficult, wanting to be carried, walking slower than everyone on purpose. Brian and Barbara moaned as they carried half of the puppies on their shoulders. Every once in a while the puppies would complain if they got a rock or thorn stuck in their feet.

"Mommy!" Jenny cried in fear, hiding behind Barbara.

Brian, Stewie and Barbara looked ahead to see it was just a rabbit that scared her.

They continued walking until the puppies complained of hunger. There was no food anywhere for them, except one apple that hung from a tree. Stewie sighed as he climbed on top of Brian, picking the apple from the tree. The puppies began fighting over the apple, trying to eat it before anyone else could. The apple fell from their hands, onto the ground where it crumbled into pieces. The puppies looked at the remains of the apple and began to cry.

It wasn't until sunset did they reach the shores of Germany. They were met with the sight of German u-boats.

"Oh, Nazis", Stewie said. "That's refreshing.

* * *

 _Original Author's Note: Short, I know, but it's better than nothing. got a lot going on with school._


	7. Escape to England

Chapter 6 - Escape to England

* * *

Brian, Barbara, Stewie and the puppies ran on the dock, hiding behind barrels the Germans were loading onto the U-boats. Stewie looked around trying to come up with a plan.

"Alright", he said. "On three, we'll make for the closest U-boat."

Barbara looked at the puppies and held their hands tight. Stewie gave the signal, sending everyone running across the dock, up to the U-boat closest to them. As they ran across the U-boat, they were suddenly spotted by a Nazi who yelled in German, letting everyone know they were there. Barbara slid the puppied into the hatch, first and slipped inside with Brian and Stewie. Right away, they went to the controls.

"Everybody hang on", Stewie said starting the U-boat.

Stewie pulled the U-boat out of the Germany harbor, heading to open sea. Brian sat by the sonar, seeing if there was anything dangerous in their area.

"We're being pursued by two objects", Brian said. "One looks like another U-boat."

The sonar pinged showing the U-boat within range of their sub.

"The other appears to be Terence Trent D'Arby", Brian finished.

The sonar pinged a more rhythmic sound. Barbara looked at the sonar.

"Is there anyway you can replay that?" she asked. "That was catchy."

Brian watched on the sonar as the U-boat pursuing them fired a torpedo.

"Hold onto something!"

"Why isn't the time machine working?" Ollie asked as he and the rest of the puppies fought over the periscope.

"I swear to god!" Stewie yelled. "I will stuff the four of you in the torpedo tube and crush you against the sea!"

"Stewie, don't you dare threaten my babies", Barbara growled as she pulled them away from the periscope.

She held onto the puppies as the torpedo grazed the side of the U-boat. Even if it was just a graze, it made the whole U-boat shake.

"Brian, I've got an idea", Stewie said. "It's a long shot, but it just might work. You see that newspaper? Stuff it in the waste tube."

Barbara picked up the newspaper, but stopped when she saw the first page. Mickey Mouse shaking hands with Hitler.

"This i got to read", she said taking the page and giving the rest of the newspaper to Brian.

Barbara sat and read the paper, barely noticing Brian stuffing the newspaper in the waste tube, sending the paper into the other U-boat's glass portholes, blinding their vision and sending them off course. They were safe to make their journey through the sea to England. Stewie spent the rest of the night, steering the U-boat to England. By the time morning came, Stewie looked through the periscope to see land.

"Oh my god!" he smiled. "It's England! We've reached England! We're saved!"

"Really?" Barbara asked. "Are you sure it's England?"

"Yes, I can see the white cliffs of Dover! Boy, they weren't kidding. Those things are white."

"Let me see!"

Barbara pushed Stewie aside and looked at the cliffs. She noticed they had mouths and were talking to each other.

 _"So we're going to take the whole family on vacation this summer. Load up the Country Squire and head up to New Hampshire."_

 _"By the way, thanks for the recommendation. Great cheese shop."_

 _"You know, our youngest has been accepted to Northfield Mount Hermon."_

 _"Oh, gosh. Is Lauren in high school already?"_

 _"Yeah. You know, a funny thing happened to me on the way to middle age. My kids grew up."_

 _The cliffs laughed at the horrible joke._

 _"Say, you know, when you take that vacation, don't forget traveler's insurance. A lot of people do, and a lot of people are sorry."_


	8. Back to Germany

Chapter 7 - Back to Germany

* * *

London looked terrible as Brian, Stewie, Barbara and the puppies walked through the streets. The buildings had been bombed and smoke rose into the sky.

"Ah, London in wartime", Stewie sighed with a smile. "This is history right here, Brian."

"Not good history", Barbara mumbled.

"Look, there's Winston Churchill! Maybe we'll get an up-close look at his legendary wit."

Just ahead of them was Winston Churchill and a woman. The woman looked unhappy and Winston looked angry.

"Oh, Winston", the woman frowned. "Drunk again, I see."

"Yeah, well you're a cunt", Winston shot back.

The man watching them from a demolished building laughed as he picked up a cup of tea.

"Wickedly funny!" he laughed.

"Hmm, I guess history's just whittled it down to the gems", Stewie said unimpressed.

"So now what?" Barbara asked.

"We need to figure out how to get out of here", Brian said.

Stewie nodded and pulled out the time machine. The puppied watched bored as Stewie looked over it trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Why isn't the time machine working?" Marcus complained.

"I'm working on it, alright?" Stewie yelled. "Oh, here's the problem."

"Is it bad?" Briana asked.

"The transfer circuits are powered by uranium and this thing's tapped out."

"Wait a minute", Brian said. "Are you saying we need to find some uranium?"

"I'm afraid so", Stewie answered. "But where do we find uranium in World War II Europe?"

"There's only one place", he answered. "At the top-secret atomic research facility...in Berlin."

"Wait a minute. Germany's building weapons of mass destruction? Well, why doesn't Amercia go over there and kick their asses?"

"I don't know. Maybe because they don't have any oil?"

Brian turned looking in a direction with an accusing expression. Stewie looked in the same direction humored.

"Oh! Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap."

"What are you looking at Daddy?" Jenny asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Never mind, kids", Barbara said. "We just got here, now we have to go back to the dangerous place on earth."

The seven of them walked to the Royal Air Force base in England, trying to figure out a way to get back to Germany safely. The puppies were all scared and with good reason.

"I don't want to do this! I'm scared!"

"Come on", Brian said. "Berlin is the closest place we're going to find uranium in this time. It's the only way to get home."

Barbara sighed. The captain addressing the airforce wasn't helping either with what he said.

"Men, as officers of the Royal Air Force, you're the very best in the world. However, this mission to Germany will not be an easy one. Four and a half of every five of you will not return. Half of Jensen there can tell you it gets pretty sticky."

"But I never lost me good spirits, I haven't!" a man with no arms or legs said with a smile.

"So, let's get up there, be safe and get back to the big, fat pigs of wives we have waiting at home."

Stewie smiled and walked to the captain.

"Excuse me, sir. I'd like to join."

"What are your qualifications?" the captain asked.

"I have a British accent, I'm possibly homosexual, I never brush my teeth and my wife is ghastly!"

"Bombs away!" the captain said giving Stewie a helmet.

"Really?" Barbara asked. "That's all it takes to be a pilot?"


	9. Battle in the Sky

Chapter 8 - Battle in the Sky

* * *

Brian, Stewie, Barbara and the puppies crowded in the plane. Stewie grabbed the controls and pulled the plane up into the air as they joined the Royal Air Force in their mission to Germany.

"Talk to me, Goose!" Stewie said.

"Please don't call me that", Brian frowned.

"You're my eyes, Goose. Keep an eye out for those Krauts."

"Please don't call him Goose", Barbara said. "Goose dies in Top Gun."

Stewie frowned and looked in front of them.

"Uh-oh! Germans dead ahead!"

They looked ahead to see a wave of German fighter planes. The planes fired their guns at the planes. Stewie took control and flipped the plane upside down to avoid the bullets. Barbara looked at the kids who were scared and looking nauseous.

"I doubt we have an airsickness bags here, do we?" she asked.

"Why?" Brian asked.

"The kids", she said. "Their poor stomachs can't handle this flight."

Stewie guided the plane back and forth through the fight in the sky. From behind them, a German plane shot at them, hitting one of the engines, causing them to lose oil pressure.

"Can we fly on just one engine?" Barbara asked.

"Let's hope so", Brian said.

Stewie flew the plane back and forth, trying to avoid the bullets, but the German plane kept shooting up the side of the plane. Lucky for them, they caught a break when a fellow British plane flew by, shooting the enemy down. The pilot gave a thumbs up, starting the back and forth flirting between him and Stewie. Stewie blew a kiss to the pilot, making him wink in return. Stewie waved his hand in modest, making the pilot take off his shirt, circling areas on his chest. That proved to be too much for Stewie as he just looked away with a frown.

The pilot was shot down as a second wave of German planes flew toward them.

"Oh no!" Brian said, "Another wave of fighters! We're out numbered!"

"Oh no we're not!" Stewie said with a smile.

They looked out the window to see Prince Vultan and his army of hawkmen from _Flash Gordon_ flying alongside them.

"Stand by, my hawkmen!" he addressed. "Dive!"

The hawkmen flew, helping the fight against the Germans. They shot their laser guns, destroying the planes. Their help was not enough as a German plane shot at Stewie, Brian, Barbara and the puppies' plane, hitting their remaining engine.

"We're going down!" Barbara screamed. "Quick, get the parachutes!"

"There are no parachutes!" Brian said. "All I could find was this!"

"A raft?" Stewie asked. "We're not sinking! We're crashing!"

They saw the plane coming closer and closer to a mountain. Brian pulled the cord, inflating the raft. He, Stewie, Barbara and the puppies got into the raft and jumped out of the plane. They were light enough to let the raft slowly fall, almost float to to the ground safely. They slid down the snowy mountain, into the river. After falling down a waterfall, they floated safely down the river.

"Where are we?" Brian asked.

"I think we're in Germany", Stewie said. "Look, there's the black forest."

They looked at the forest noticing two trees with mouths were talking to each other.

 _"We gonna take the whole family on vacation this summer. The 10 of us gonna load up the Impala and head on down to Hotlanta."_

 _"Hey, I heard that. Hey, thanks for the tip on that check-cashing place. I was in and out with one ID."_

 _"You know my boy is out on bail next week, right?"_

 _"Man, seems like yesterday he was in juvie! Hey, say man, when you on your trip, skip that traveler's insurance. That's a ripoff."_


	10. Berlin

Chapter 9 - Berlin

* * *

"There it is", Brian said. "Berlin."

Germany was absolutely horrifying. They could see smoke rising into the sky from really tall smokestacks in the distance. Barbara shuddered knowing that smoke could be only one thing. She looked at the sign next to them that read **Welcome to Berlin: the Happiest Place on Earth**.

"Happiest place on earth, my ass", Barbara frowned.

They walked ino town together seeing how quiet things were. The puppies looked around confused. The way everyone talking about Berlin, they expected to see explosions and dead people.

"Doesn't seem so bad", Briana shrugged.

"Dear god, this place is nightmarish", Brian said picking up a piece of paper from the road. "Look at the offensive way they draw Jewish people."

They looked at the picture to see what looked like Mort Goldman.

"Wow", Barbara said unimpressed.

Stewie led everyone through the town holding some kind of radioactive scanner. They walked toward a building that held the nazi flags and had the nazi symbol above the door. The needle went crazy, the readings off the charts as they stopped in front of the building.

"It's here", Stewie said. "The uranium lab is in here."

"Where'd you get that thing?" Brian asked looking at the scanner.

"Uh, up your ass?"

"What?"

"What?"

The puppies giggled at their father's confused face and Barbara couldn't help but laugh too.

"Okay, so how are we going to get in there?" she asked.

Stewie looked at the building and smiled when he saw three SS officers. He pulled everyone into an alley and waited for the officers to come close.

"Hey, psst!" he said. "Fellows, you want to get a free caricature?"

"Ooh! Ja! I want to be a skateboarder!"

The three officers went into the alley. Barbara covered the kids' eyes as Brian started punching them. Stewie pulled out a ray gun and shot that them, making them disintegrate. Stewie, Barbara and Brian put on the uniforms and stepped out into public.

"Hey, there's something on here", Stewie said looking at his uniform.

He looked at his collar to see a button that said McCain/Palin.

"Huh, that's weird."

"What do we do about the kids?" Barbara asked.

Brian got some leashes and hooked them onto the puppies' collars.

"Sorry, kids, but we need you to behave. Dogs were used to be vicious attackers so you'll have to do."

"Okay, Dad", Ollie said unsure.

"Alright, come on", he said. "Let's get inside that lab."


	11. Close Call

Chapter 10 - Close Call

* * *

Brian, Barbara, Stewie, and the puppies stepped inside the lab. It was full of German scientists conducting experiments. Stewie pulled a marker out of his pocket and drew a moustache on his face and black hair on his head, making him look like Adolf Hitler.

"Stewie", Barbara gasped. "Are you really doing that?"

"It's the only way to convince them to give us uranium", he said.

They walked into the lab, hoping this plan would work.

"Hey, guys!" Stewie said with a smile.

"Hitler!" the scientists greeted with a smile. "How's it going, Mr. Hitler?"

"It's a dog-eat-dog Reich and I'm wearing bacon pants", he joked, making everyone laugh. "How's the atomic bomb coming?"

"It's coming, it's coming", the scientist said. "There are some problems. We're having much better luck developing this impressive collection of 100 _Luftballons_."

One of the red balloons in the collection popped, leaving 99. Now everyone knew where the idea for that 80s song _99 Luftballons_ came from.

"Well, I guess we'll just let you get back to work", Stewie said. "Oh, I almost forgot. I don't suppose you boys have some uranium I could borrow?"

"Oh, of course", the scientist smiled. "Give him some uranium, Mean Joe Greene."

Everyone looked to see Mean Joe Greene himself there in the lab in full uniform. He held up a cylinder of uranium with a smile.

"Hey, kid. Catch!"

He tossed the uranium to Stewie who caught it with a smile.

"Thanks, Mean Joe!" he said. "He's not really mean at all."

"No, he's a nice guy", the scientist smiled.

Stewie, Brian, Barbara and the puppies left the lab. Stewie put the fresh supply of uranium into the return pad, refueling it.

"Okay, the time machine is refueled. Let's find a safe spot and make the trip back home."

They stopped as they ran into someone. Barbara gasped to see the real Adolf Hitler standing in front of them, looking at Stewie who was still disguised like him. She and Brian pulled the puppies close and watched as Hitler and Stewie started matching each other's movements, trying to trick him. Stewie messed up when he spat in Hitler's face, ruining the charade.

"Arrest him!" Hitler said. "Arrest all seven! These filths are making a mockery of our Reich! Execute them!"

The soldiers pushed everyone to the ground and pointed their pistols at their head. Barbara and Brian held the puppies tight, thinking it was the end for all of them.

"Unless..." Hitler said.

"Unless what?" Brian asked.

"Unless they can sing a charming musical number."

Brian and Stewie got up, smiling knowing they could do that. Barbara took the return pad from Stewie's pocket and frowned as they began to sing.

"Wherever-"

"Damn it, will you two just get in the ******* time machine?" she yelled. "We have no time for this!"

"Mommy said another bad word!" Jenny gasped.

Brian and Stewie looked at each other and stepped onto the return pad. The seven of them disappeared with a flash of light returning to the present. They all ran out of the time machine, back into Stewie's room.

"We did it!" he said. "We're home! Everything's fine!"

"You did it, Stewie", Barbara said hugging him. "Thank you so much!"

Brain turned to the puppies with a disappointed look on his face.

"Let this be a lesson to all of you", he said. "Don't ever use Stewie's equipment without permission or without telling us. We don't want this to happen again."

"Yes, Daddy", the puppies said.

"I'm so glad to have you back home, safe and sound", Barbara said hugging them. "I don't ever want to lose my babies again."

"Oh yeah", Marcus said. "Mom, you owe money to the swear jar."

* * *

The End

* * *

 _Original Author's Note: The puppies are home safe and sound. Stewie helped Barbara and Brian keep their family together. What's going to happen in the future? Find out in my next fic!_

* * *

 _Hoster's Note:_ _It's a killer.  
_


End file.
